Last night I experienced something I have been trying to not have to face. I had to have a real grown up talk with my little girl Ariana. I love that she has been living in a world that seems like no wrong can happen. In my mind her life has been one where I see her running throw a meadow of poppies and butterflies without a care in the world. My kids love Peter Pan, and they reference a stage about a place between sleep and awake. The moment where we can still remember dreaming. I have been trying to prolong this stage of between sleep and awake for as long as I could.
Last night she found out that my parents were divorced. Oh how my heart sank when I saw her little body and eyes respond to the realization that her grandparents were not married. While I lived with my parents they were already divorced but under the circumstances we thought it would be better to just go along with life, and if she asked us we would tell her. My parents have handled this situation as best as I could imagine anyone could handle a situation like that. They have done a wonderful job of co-parenting and making sure that life moved along a smooth as possible. So smooth that my beautiful little girl didn't notice in those nine months that we lived there that they were divorced.
Last night I was talking with my sisters on skype and they were laughing about how my Dad went on a date this past weekend. We were making light of it, and teasing my Dad. Ariana walked into the room stared at the computer and told my Dad, "Abuelito I am going to have to tell Abuelita that you are dating other people. You can't do that! You are married!" It broke my heart in half. And my poor Dad he just didn't know what to say.
I had to explain that they were no longer married. Her fairytale world came crashing down. She looked so sad. She had so many questions. And like really really good ones. Some were really hard to answer, but David and I did our best. I was just so grateful in that moment to have the gospel in my life. Without my faith so many of those questions would seem unanswerable. I was able to calm her fears and tell her about the wonderful blessings the temple offers, and how our Father in Heaven loves us and that in the end of the day he knows what is best for us. I love her heart. To me her heart beats because she has so much love, and compassion running through her veins. She is always looking out for others, and always offering a kind smile. David and I refer to her as our little sociologist. She is always so concerned with how humans interact, and how she can make the world a better place. She is always checking out books about other cultures and peoples. David thinks she was listening to all my professors while she grew in my belly in my last year of college.
After talking with her I just realized how grateful I am to have a home where there is so much love. I am grateful for my amazing husband. I don't know how I deserved such an amazing blessing. He makes my life and my kids lives so happy. He is a breath of fresh air. I know that my daughter is going to have to face the realities of the world slowly has she travels on her life's journey. But I want to make sure that when she enters through the doors of our home she finds herself in a meadow with butterflies and poppies, and the skies are crystal blue, with cotton candy clouds. I want my home to always be that place between sleep and awake where she can always remember dreaming.
"You Know that place between sleep and awake, the place where you can still remember dreaming? That's where I will always love you! That's where I will be waiting." - Peter Pan
I have made the goal to have my home always be this place for my children. My home will be the place where they can still remember dreaming. The place where they know that love never fails. My home will be the place that they can always remember being loved. I love you my angel. And I pray that this little nugget of life does not cause you stop believing in fairy tales. All you have to do is look around and you will find miracles, and happy endings all around you, if you just look closely.
Love,
Mommy
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